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Social Climber's Guide

Money only gets you to the first base. The rest of the ascent is an exercise in calculated packaging.  Here are 15 ways to get people to talk about you.

Get a smart address

True Blues live in Lutyens' Delhi and Malabar Hill in Mumbai. Weekend in their suburban playground in Rajokri on the outskirts of the capital or a beach house in Aligbag, Mumbai, preferably with a private lagoon.

Get your own fort

Or at least a restored haveli, and property in London. But to be pucca, make sure it's Belgavia and while you are at it, a country home in Wentworth. Beware, Hampstead's getting too desi. Unless it's Bishop's Avenue, otherwise called Millionaire's Row. For cachet with an accent get a pied-a- terre in the Marais in Paris. But all this is wasted unless you share it with your friends and they share it with the rest.

Play Kubla Khan

Get anything you fancy from abroad -- gold swans (gold, not gold-plated) for your bathroom taps so that you can have a Swan Lake in your tub.

Just a pool's not cool

Play James Bond, put one under your living room floor for that extra lap. The living room will move to the squeals of delight of your guests to reveal the liquid haven.

Serve in style

There's no use having Christofle silver if you are dishing out butter chicken. Even smoked salmon is getting tiresome. So give a little Greek twist to baigans. Serve Dom Perignon as if flowing out of a tap. Then send your Kalimpong maids with degrees in nursing to dash down to your wine cellar to bring up a dusty bottle with a Chateau something on it.

Leave your stamp

Order personalised stationery from Smythson -- established in 1887 -- at Bond Street in London. Naturally, Mr New Rich gets it all wrong: he cooks up a shiny emblem, with established in 1990-something below it.

Hit the golf course

It's not how you swing but with whom you swing. Butter up the starter at the Delhi Golf Club, and he will slot you in four-ball with Tejinder Khanna, Delhi's silver-haired lt-governor who's the current flavour of the season. And then for the whole of next week you can casually drop: "As Teji was telling me the other day on the 16th hole ..."

Or, play polo

If you have the guts, play polo. Preferably get your own team. If you don't, then sponsor a tournament.

Pick your crowd

Add sparkle to your guest list. Hijack an international celebrity. Goldie Hawn, Richard Gere or a CEO of a multinational from the US will lend a shine. Grab a current conversation piece celeb: nothing like an Arundhati Roy or some countess from a micro European country with a long name.

Befriend journalists

Especially those on the celebrity circuit. Nikhil Khanna is our Taki, the chronicler of High Life with the requisite witty turn to his phrase.

Stay in touch

Now that even your electrician carries one, get the smallest cellular. Gift your old model to your chauffeur, as Mr New Money did: "After all, I have to call him to bring down the car." Don't forget to update the one you gave your mistress.

Grow your own wings

To keep up with the jet set, own a Cessna like Vijaypat Singhania does. And if you can, get a custom-built interior like Vijay Mallya's. Offer a ride and the whole country will talk about it. If you can't, hire one from M'escos' Rita Singh.

Get attitude

Walk into a party in a funky Anna Sui: fake fur and slit leather and a stunner on your arm. Or at least a worthy cause. Cultivate a well-modulated voice, make eye contact. And for God's sake don't pronounce Delhi's snooty restaurant Longchamps as Long Champs (rhyming with ramp) while talking about your stunning meal there.

Ride high

You've got the essentials, now buy (and if all else fails, steal) a race horse. Run it in your colours (a coat of arms the jockey wears) in the Indian derby in Mumbai. Winning is not the only goal. To have a runner and get seen in the paddock -- where only trainers, owners and, of course, the horses are paraded -- can also do the trick.

The finish line

How to know you have arrived? If you're into middle age and Sonia Gandhi arrives for dinner and stays longer than 15 minutes. And if you belong to the Young Things, Priyanka and Robert Vadra grace your soirees or fashion shows.

Second thoughts: after you've hit Fortune 500, go straight back to basics -- a Contessa, kurta pyjama and dal-chawal.

© Living Media India Ltd