August 9, 1999

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By Dilip Bobb

Like the Raman effect and similar discoveries of Himalayan proportions, we are now witnessing the ubiquitous Kargil effect. What this means, in effect, is that all those who participated in the war effort via remote control (switching from one channel to another) are now making their guilt more complex by creating new and innovative ways of honouring our brave soldiers. Here are some examples of coming events. Book early to avoid being martyred in the rush.

The Sonia Show: The Congress, desperate to regain lost territory, is in hot pursuit of ways and means to open up various fronts to avoid slipping back. Namely, prove that its leadership is not alien to patriotism and also use the services of a celebrity lawyer to prove the existence of a massive intelligence failure on the part of the BJP government. The third front is to have Sonia Gandhi undertake the rural tour, insisting that if her party is returned to power in the coming elections, it will then be in a position to honour our brave soldiers. Till then, the entertainment provided is for free.

The Janata Dial-a-Party: More splits than a Bollywood dance number, more laughs than Pakistan's Information Minister Mushahid Hussain on Hardtalk, more divisions than the army's Northern Command and more confusion than confounded, the hottest show in town is clearly the Janata Dial-a-Party. Though tickets are going a abegging, it's currently the most popular party trick, trying to identify who's who and who's with whom. In entertainment terms, could break you up.

The Bleeding Heart Society: Not to be confused with army field hospitals, this society's aim is to embrace every damn cause, usually when it's too late. Authored by Arundhati Roy and like-minded active socialists, the society will stage a march to the front to liberally display their appreciation. However, the march will take a detour via Narmada to ensure that this time their cause isn't a case of water under the bridge. An account of the march will be sold at leading bookstores and proceeds donated to the next worthwhile cause.

The Bollywood Bash-em-up: Based on the coming blockbuster, Soldier No. 1, the all-star cast from the film will stage a special preview in support of aha, the Action Heroes Association. Starring Shah Rukh Khan and Sachin Tendulkar, the rest of the cast consists of dismember and datmember, all action heroes who will teach our soldiers how to kill an army of baddies with nothing but bare fists and barer chests. Which is why it's called the Box Office. Warning: any resemblance to reality is purely accidental.

The Election Gameshow: Conceived by veteran game show host Jyoti Basu, following in the footsteps of Bal Thackeray and sundry other name-droppers, the proceeds from the show will go towards renaming roads, lanes, gullies and nullahs. This is intended to create a sense of patriotism and pride. Studio guests can't wait to salute the winner, who will earn the title of Pimple 1.

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