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FLIPSIDE
The Ex Files By Dilip
Bobb
 There
are those who express doubts about the lack of leadership in India. Others
attribute this to extenuating circumstances. Examples abound, as do the
number of ex-prime ministers whose tribe is far in excess of current
requirement. The result: too many cooks spoiling for the broth. Now, they
have got together to start an Ex-PMs' Club with the sole aim of solving
the country's most extreme problem: unemployment. Here's how their first
exchange went.
V.P. Singh: These are hard times
for ex-prime ministers. Look at me? I had to spend the night in a jhuggi
colony sleeping on the floor. After all that we have done for the country,
this is really rock bottom, not to mention other parts of my anatomy. I
couldn't sleep thanks to all those photographers. I wonder who tipped them
off?
Chandra Shekhar: Considering that you spend six months in London in
a luxury hotel at taxpayers' expense, nobody's losing sleep over your
hardship. Look at me, I'm totally isolated.
H.D. Deve Gowda: I wouldn't mind being isolated if I had a 35-acre
farm and enjoyed the generosity of Mulayam Singh Yadav. Look at me, I
can't even win local elections and I was the best prime minister the
country ever had.
I.K. Gujral: There are some who would contest that. I started the
Indo-Pak dialogue, the Indo-Iraq dialogue, the Maharani Bagh Society ...
Chandra Shekhar: How about the ex-PMs' dialogue. That's what we are
here for. We are missing the wood for the trees.
H.D. Deve Gowda: We are missing Narasimha Rao. He was sent an
invitation. Why isn't he here? He's just like that other fellow, Sitaram
Kesri. You just can't trust these Congressmen.
V.P. Singh: I agree. We all lost our jobs thanks to the Congress
leadership. We must bury the past, like that Clinton fellow advised, and
unite against our natural enemy, the Congress. As the best finance
minister the country ever had, I suggest we formalise our merger and
launch a hostile takeover.
H.D. Deve Gowda: Who'll take us?
V.P. Singh: Congress shareholders are disgruntled. The company
president is losing control. It's ripe for an assault. Plus, we have an
insider in Narasimha Rao; he's even written a book on the subject. I say
we move before we become victims of public-sector disinvestment. After
all, we are valuable assets to the country.
H.D. Deve Gowda: We are?
Chandra Shekhar: I'll speak to Mulayam Singh, he will speak to Amar
Singh, who will speak to disgruntled shareholders. We need a manipulator.
None of us were good at that.
H.D. Deve Gowda: We weren't?
V.P. Singh: We need more than that. Chandra Shekhar heads a one-man
party, Deve Gowda's party has had more splits than the Bolshoi Ballet,
Gujral can't find a party and I'm like a sleeping partner. We need someone
who's in the same boat as we are: a leader who is isolated,
inconsequential and desperate, but with the right voter appeal.
I.K. Gujral: There's someone who fits the bill perfectly.
Ex-PMs: Who?
I.K. Gujral: Sonia Gandhi. |
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