Cow-belt India is the Silicon Valley of politics, albeit as low-tech as they come. Uttar Pradesh, cynics say, has no industry except politics, no entertainment except politics, no raison d'etre except politics. Former princelings, current criminals, teachers, everybody has joined the election bandwagon. Four IAS officers, secretaries to the state Government no less, have pushed their wives into fighting the election.

STRANGE SAMAJWADIS: Bhatia (above) is a man of law and Sharma of magic

If the BJP is in the race at all today, credit has to be given to Rajnath Singh who has conveyed the image of a decisive leader. In fact, he is more popular than the BJP.

Rashmi Pathak, a Brahmin college lecturer, is contesting the Kalyanpur constituency in Kanpur on a BSP ticket. At a recent public meeting, she even touched Dalit queen Mayawati's feet, upsetting those who take their caste hierarchies seriously. Rumour has it Pathak "invested heavily" in a BSP ticket. How did she get the money? "I've put all my savings into this election," she says. A friend admits Pathak and her husband sold their family property to enter the political bazaar.

In Kunda, Pratapgarh, constituency of the notoriously famous Sports Minister Raghuraj Pratap Singh, aka Raja Bhaiyya, politics is literally a bazaar issue. Raja Bhaiyya is an independent whose poll symbol is, well, a chair. Moulded plastic chairs are the rage in the town-widely reputed as having the worst roads in Uttar Pradesh. Chairs can be found everywhere, hanging from roof tops, strung onto power poles. Enterprising shopkeepers have specially brought in miniature chairs. These, Raja Bhaiyya informs you, "are being sold for anything between Re 1 and Rs 7. They are even being sold in the black market".

Raja Bhaiyya is no angel. You can't find a single poster of an opponent in the town. Mr Poker Face insists, "The opposition can't even find polling agents." His chief rival, Mohammed Shami (SP), accuses him of terror tactics. Raja Bhaiyya retorts by calling Shami "truck hold-up ka sartaj" (king of truck hold-ups).

Crime and politics have an old relationship in Uttar Pradesh. This time too 965 candidates-17 per cent of the total of 5,539-have criminal records. Abhey Pratap Singh, aka Lalla Bhaiyya, is an MLA close to Rajnath and defending the Karnailganj seat for the ruling alliance. Some months ago his driver, Satish Chandra, asked him for three days' leave. Lalla Bhaiyya refused. On being pressed, he pulled out a gun and shot the driver. A case was registered in Lucknow's Gomti Nagar police station. Officially Lalla Bhaiyya is "wanted" and "untraceable". Meanwhile he's happily campaigning.

Virendra Bhatia, SP nominee in Lucknow (West), is a well-known criminal lawyer who hopes to displace Lalji Tandon, urban affairs minister and BJP veteran. Tandon accuses Bhatia, whose clients range from gangster Babloo Shrivastava to Delhi chief minister Sheila Dikshit, of defending criminals. Bhatia retorts, "But 13 or 14 of Tandon's cabinet colleagues are my clients." Feel free to draw conclusions.

Else move to the bizarre and consider O.P. Sharma "Jadugar". Magician Sharma, who lives in house called Bhoot Bangla (Haunted Bungalow) is the SP candidate from Govind Nagar, Kanpur. His meetings usually begin with people exclaiming, "Jaadu dikhao, jaadu dikhao (show us magic)." Since he's not a good orator, Sharma has a local SP functionary delivering his campaign speech for him. As it ends, the proxy points to Sharma and says, "Ab hamare pratyashi item dikhayenge. (Now our candidate will present an item)." Sharma duly stuffs flags of the Congress, BJP, BSP and SP into a bag and seals it. Then he re-opens it and, voila, all the flags are the SP's. Sharma is a serious candidate. Fellow Brahmins are backing him in large numbers.

If you ignore the minor idiosyncrasy called governance, you could actually celebrate Uttar Pradesh's elections as a near perfect example of grassroots democracy, of fervid coalition building. Communities that were foes till the other day-or election- join hands thanks to an immediate material gain. In western Uttar Pradesh, the Vaishs, till now the BJP's captive voters, are looking for alternatives, even considering Mayawati's "subaltern" BSP. Says Baghpat foundry owner Pradyumna Jain: "We've got a bad deal from the Government. Electricity charges have been hiked. Mayawati has helped us more than the BJP."

The search for new friends is infectious. As chief of the Loktantrik Congress and power minister, Naresh Agarwal was the principal beneficiary of the BJP-led coalition Government till Rajnath sacked him in late 2001. Now the very SP that charged him with corruption is backing Agarwal in Hardoi. Amarmani Tripathi was removed from the ministry and jailed when implicated in a kidnapping case. The former BJP ally has filed his nomination from Laxmipur. He's still behind bars-but the BSP is his new refuge.

In the western Jat belt, Om Prakash Chautala, Haryana chief minister and president of the Indian National Lok Dal, has been getting his party to campaign against the candidates of Ajit Singh, Union agriculture minister, president of the Rashtriya Lok Dal and sworn enemy of Chautala, even if both back the BJP in Delhi. When two of Chautala's men landed up in Saurpur Kalan village, Baghpat, a week ago, they told a bunch of hookah smokers, "Do you know you are poor because eastern Uttar Pradesh is taking away all your wealth? Vote for us. We will make you as rich as Haryana."

School teacher Satyavir Singh refused to let the insult go unanswered. "We are poor," he thundered, "because we are a big state." When you master that logic, you'll understand Uttar Pradesh's politics.

-with Subhash Mishra