THE LOOK: Arranged marriages come with the trappings of sangeet and other traditions

Conservative Sikh communities too, says Surinder Singh, a banker in a multinational company in Delhi, are getting into "inter-caste, inter-country marriages in the arranged marriage set-up". In states like Gujarat in India, particularly among the Patel and Desai communities—and now even increasingly among artisans and carpenters—parents are always looking for NRI matches for their children. Matrimonial classifieds in Gujarati newspapers are a sure barometer of the mass exodus: the columns brim with the so-called "NRI ads". It is almost as if the entire community is settled abroad. Take Manibhai Patel, 52, a wholesale spice merchant in Ahmedabad, and his wife Hiraben. The couple's eldest daughter Alka is married to Manish, a Patel boy who runs a motel in Mississippi. Encouraged, they are now looking for similar matches in the US for their two younger daughters Prafula, 22, and Rinku, 20. Says Hiraben, "It is demand driven. Boys and girls in the US are always looking for homely matches from their ancestral villages back home. The biggest attraction for families here is the fact that upward mobility is guaranteed against hard work in the US and UK in economic terms unlike India." Significantly, Manibhai belongs to the 42-village Gor Patel Samaj of Mehsana district in Gujarat and as many as 5,000 members-from 42 villages-of his caste are settled in the US.

IN THE LAP OF LUXURY: After a traditional wedding ceremony, a Ludhiana couple is seen off in a limousine

In Punjab, there is even a booming NRI marriage market that works overtime once winter sets in-the official marriage season in north India. That's the time NRIs come home in droves, many of them looking for a suitable match. In rural Punjab, marrying off daughters to "phoren-settled" boys is a big fad. "The NRI tag carries a huge premium in Punjab," says Chandigarh-based social researcher Renuka Dagar. "So much so that quite often, parents even overlook the risk factor."

With ever-tightening immigration laws, there is also no denying that some people see marriage as a legitimate way to go abroad. Says Parmod Kumar, director of Institute of Development and Communication in Chandigarh, "It's seen as a socially-acceptable status-enhancement mechanism." In many cases, the daughter becomes a sacrificial goat to pander to the desire of the male members, often brothers, who secretly nurture dreams to make it to foreign lands by hook or by crook. "And these girls suffer serious adjustment problems when they go abroad," says Pam Rajput, director of Institute of Women Studies in Punjab University.

"The sacrosanct arranged marriage sanctified by elders is a tradition that will never die" Neerada Suresh (RT) School Teacher

But that's hardly a deterrent. Another reason for the NRI fetish is the fact that the middle class, especially Jat Sikh families in rural Punjab, is finding it increasingly difficult to find suitable matches locally for their educated daughters. But enlightened girls, like 19-year-old Chandigarh bride-to-be Reetu Singh, engaged to a British national, look at it a tad differently. "Marrying somebody who is settled abroad means a better lifestyle and it sure spares you the drudgery of living with your in-laws," she says.

"A lot of American guys now prefer Indian girls because of their values and support systems" Jyoti Soni, Wedding Planner

Another noticeable trend in Punjab is the mushrooming of local computer training and nursing institutes. The idea: the more skilled the girl, the better the chances of her finding a suitable boy based abroad. Entrepreneurs like Budh Singh only know it too well. Based in Toronto, when Singh took the mantle of an NRI do-gooder for the residents of his native village Dahan near Nawanshahar in Punjab, he could not think of a better option than opening a nursing institute for the local girls. That was five years ago. Today, the nursing college, affiliated to the British Columbia University, is in reality a big boon for the region. Reason: it produces about 60 graduates every year who are held much in demand by NRI boys coming back home to get married. "A degree in nursing is more than material dowry for these grooms," says Singh.

The arranged marriage has a new twist too, which is fast manifesting itself in Indian communities abroad as well. Delhi-based sociologist Ashish Nandy marks the slight change of heart: "Previously, Indian marriages were arranged by parents. Now, the children are arranging them, albeit with parental consent. Even love marriages are starting to take predictable patterns today: the formula being stability, security and love. The princess marrying a pauper phenomenon is only to be found in books. Love is not blind in urban, contemporary India."

Take Diya Banerjee, 19, a second year student of journalism in Delhi's hip Lady Shriram College. According to Banerjee, there is a new concept in marriages doing the rounds in college: the Arranged Love Marriage. She defines it as "a comfortable situation" where she chooses the guy, who is preferably abroad, and gets the parents to nod approval. "We like to do the mixing and matching," she chirps, "but hey! We would ultimately want our parents to get involved too. Their consent is a definite plus on your CV." Dating is in and "going out" is still a behind-the-scenes activity-"the guy you date is not the guy you marry"-but then, "even if we are pseudo about dating, when it comes to marriage, we want the real thing!"

Which is why Delhi-based psychologist Madhumati Singh, who has been into pre-marital counselling 12 years now, says the Indian youth is "very much in control now". "They are the ones insisting on arranged matches now. They want to make their lives more predictable because with demanding careers and lifestyles, they have neither the time nor inclination to go looking for a life partner. It is the parents who have developed cold feet. They know their children are exposed to the world and don't want to intervene in their lives. They have become more laid back."

She added: "After the last decade of experimentation, dating and heartburn, the Indian youth has come full circle. Girls still want to get married at 22. And when it is comes to their weddings, they want to go through the rites the right royal way. They consult the astrologer and go through the notions of the seven pheras and all the pre-wedding cocktail functions. They want their quota of designer weddings and lehnga-cholis. On the one hand they are so independent. On the other, so traditional when it comes to marriage." To top that, they also come armed with the knowledge that a wedding may be a one-week affair, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Could be a reason why even non-NRIs are now looking at Indian spouses. Says Jyoti Soni, a New Jersey-based wedding planner, who has been coordinating Indian weddings for two years now, "A lot of American guys are preferring Indian girls over American girls because they know we have deep-rooted, indelible values, traditions and support-systems."

Values, traditions, support systems ... they are after all pluses that an arranged marriage offers. Madhumati Singh sums it up: "The Indian marriage is a social sanction for legal procreation, cohabitation and companionship. Whatever you get over that, is well, bonus." Guess not even Blunkett can overwrite that maxim.

-Inputs by Uday Mahurkar in Ahmedabad and Ramesh Vinayak in Chandigarh