The British Government's proposal to curtail arranged marriages among immigrant communities raises a storm and evokes fears of a curb on traditional rites

By Ishara Bhasi in London and Methil Renuka in Delhi

LOOKING HOMEWARD: US-based Arati Marya and London-born Sanjay Sharma opted for a traditional arranged marriage

London is both birthplace and home to Sanjay Sharma. But his heart is where his roots are: India. Last week at Delhi's Hyatt Regency hotel, Sharma, 25, wed Arati Marya, a Punjabi girl he met in the US. It was a traditional Hindu wedding-beaming parents, a pandit performing the rites to the strains of Sri Ram Jaya Ram, marigold blooms, and garish, cantankerous relatives. An archetypal Indian wedding that the Sharmas had always hoped for their now US-based financial analyst son.
"Like all my nri friends in London and the US," drawls the gung-ho groom, "even I wanted to marry an Indian girl in India. Despite living in London for 21 years, I couldn't find anyone there I could relate to in mind, mentality and status. As Linda Goodman says, 'Marriages are made in heaven', certainly not in the United Kingdom."

DIASPORA

BIG BROTHER'S WATCHING > Blunkett's White Paper proposes increasing the probationary period for marriages from one year to two. > Switching of visa status will not be allowed. So those who come to the UK as visitors, students or in a temporary capacity for less than a six-month period cannot switch to married status. > The person concerned would have to return to the home country before applying for an entry clearance. > He/she may apply for indefinite leave to enter the UK only after the probation period.

Sharma's apparent reference to the controversial British White Paper on asylum and immigration is certainly not the sort of thing British Home Secretary David Blunkett would like to hear at this moment. Blunkett's paper, which faults "fraudulent" arranged marriages as a "worrying practice" in UK's immigration system, has opened a can of worms. Discussed in the House of Commons on February 7, it says, "There has been a tradition of families originating from the Indian subcontinent wanting to bring spouses from arranged marriages to live with them in the UK. There is a discussion to be had within those communities that continue the practice of arranged marriages as to whether more of these could be undertaken within the settled community here."

Blunkett's new immigration hypothesis is being described as "ridiculous" and "politically incorrect" by the Asian community. "Who's to say that you will find your life partner in the country you live in? Even if you were both from London, there is no guarantee you'll be culturally compatible," says Sharma. "Divorce rates are higher among British Asians who have married among themselves. All my friends have invariably returned to India for arranged marriages."

Blunkett's veiled threat against the timeless Indian institution of arranged marriages, in this case the tradition of flying in or "importing" a spouse from the subcontinent, has necessitated a reality check of the Indian marriage. Opinions abound. Baroness Uddin, who campaigns against forced marriages in the UK, is outraged the British Government should prescribe a way of life for immigrants. "The home secretary was poorly advised on the issue of arranged marriages. Telling a community no one should marry abroad for race reasons is unreasonable," she asserts.

CONTROLLING INTEREST: Blunkett (right) with British Prime Minister Tony Blair

Blunkett's Big-Brother approach, which attempts to place arranged marriages under a microscope for two years, is putting the Home Office in danger of ridicule. "I hope the Home Office will not act as a marriage bureau," says Dholakia, stressing it was not for the Home Office to decide whom an Asian should marry. Voicing his concern in the House of Lords, he said, "The paper states that it will not allow the switching arrangement whereby people in this country seek a change of status by getting married here. It is not the Government's job to determine who is or is not rightly married. Again, it is not for the Government to put this kind of diktat on minorities in this country."

Debate over the paper is pertinent as the UK attracts a stream of students and visitors who sometimes meet a partner and get married. There have been cases of bogus marriages such as the one that came to light last year. Gina, a "serial marrier", was jailed for three months after she admitted to having married seven times, getting paid £2,000 (Rs 1.36 lakh) each time to register as a bride for people desperate to stay in the UK. The Home Office suspects that 10,000 bogus weddings take place in London alone every year to bypass immigration controls.

According to a Home Office report, the number of husbands admitted to the UK for a probationary year prior to settlement was 10,600 in 2000, an increase of 1,200 over the previous year. Husbands from India accounted for nearly 60 per cent of the total in 2000 compared to almost 50 per cent in 1999. A similar increase was noted in the number of wives from the Indian subcontinent-from 2,200 to 8,700.

Religious and community leaders have also decried the new stricture. "Nothing is said in the Sikh religion about arranged marriages but it is tradition. The opposite is a disorganised, impetuous marriage," says Inderjit Singh, director, Sikh Council of Interfaith Relations. The Muslim Council of Britain has expressed shock and said the home secretary should not be instructing the community on marriage issues.

INDIAN STYLE: NRIs like Monika and Sumeet prefer arranged marriages

For most people in India, the paper will not change anything about the sacrosanct Indian marriage. Sociologists call it a foundation that cannot easily be rocked, an arrangement that leans on the most important support system of all-the Indian family. "The arranged marriage, sanctified by elders from both sides, is a tradition that will never die. Boys will continue to go abroad and still marry the girls parents choose for them back home," says Delhi-based Kendriya Vidyalaya teacher Neerada Suresh. "They may also marry of their own choice, but with parental consent. It's deeply ingrained in their psyche to subconsciously root for their roots. It's a very Indian mentality." Even conservative Sikh communities, says Surinder Singh Chawla, senior manager in a leading private bank in Delhi, are getting into "inter-caste, inter-country marriages but within the protective arranged marriage set-up".

Among the Patel and Desai communities in Gujarat, parents are always on the lookout for NRI matches for their children. "Boys and girls in the US always look for homely matches from their villages," says Hiraben Patel, whose eldest daughter Alka is married to Manish, a Patel boy who runs a motel in Mississippi. "The biggest attraction for us is that upward mobility is guaranteed against hard work in the US and UK, unlike in India."

There is also no denying that some see marriage as a green channel to go abroad. In many cases, the bride becomes the means to fulfil her brothers' desire to go abroad. But mostly there are practical considerations. For instance, 19-year-old Chandigarh bride-to-be Reetu Singh, engaged to a British national, says, "Marrying someone abroad means an emancipated lifestyle and it spares you the drudgery of living with in-laws."

In the liberal metros, the Indian marriage has a new twist, also manifesting itself in Indian communities abroad. Delhi-based sociologist Ashish Nandy marks the slight change of heart: "Traditionally, Indian marriages were arranged by parents. Now, the children are arranging them with parental consent. Even love marriages are starting to take predictable patterns: the formula being stability, security and love. Love is no longer blind in urban, contemporary India."

Take Diya Banerjee, 19, student of journalism at Delhi's Lady Shri Ram College. According to Banerjee, there is a new concept doing the rounds: the Arranged Love Marriage, defined as "a comfortable pact" where she chooses the groom, who's preferably abroad, and gets the parents to nod approval. "We like to do the mixing and matching," she trills, "but we would like our parents to get involved too. Their consent is a definite plus on your CV."

Delhi-based psychologist Madhumati Singh says this is because the Indian youth is "very much in control now". "They're the ones insisting on arranged matches now. With demanding careers, they neither have the time nor the inclination to look for a life partner. It's the parents who have become laid-back and don't wish to intervene. After a decade of experimentation, dating and heartburn, the Indian youth has come full circle. Girls now want to do the rites the right royal way-the astrologer, cocktail functions, lehnga-cholis and saat pheras. On the one hand they are so independent. On the other, so traditional when it comes to marriage."

Singh recalls her favourite one-liner to clients: "The Indian arranged marriage is a social sanction for legal procreation, cohabitation and companionship. Whatever you get over that, is well, bonus." It's a maxim that parents-leave alone Blunkett-have no permission to overwrite.

-with Ramesh Vinayak and Uday Mahurkar