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OTHER STORIES RELATED TO COVER Interview: Vijay Anand The Origin of Sin

Clearly, they don't. So the I&B Ministry governs the film industry with the Cinematograph Act, which was framed in 1952, and updated by the Cinematograph (Certification) Rules issued in 1983, when satellite television was not even a gleam in Rupert Murdoch's all-invading eye. It allows for some delicious anomalies. If Fight Club (1999) is banned because of excessive violence, viewers can watch re-runs on Star Movies. Similarly, Last Tango in Paris (1972), a steamy Bernardo Bertolucci film banned from theatrical release in India, was repeatedly aired by Zee MGM at prime time in 2000. More recently, the CBFC didn't give Santosh Sivan's Asoka a "U" certificate. But Star Plus showed the uncut, five-hour version, much before every child's bedtime.

WATER BODIES: A two-minute lesbian scene was dropped from Kama Sutra (1997). In the US, the studio Trimark released the film unrated in restricted theatres rather than cut it.

Many of these absurdities are the fault of successive governments. The I&B Ministry chooses the CBFC chairman and its members, many of whom by Anand's own admission used to be "shopkeepers till yesterday". Amit Khanna, chairman of the Film Producers' Guild, points to the tremendous powers enjoyed by assistant regional officers who are supposed to lead the discussion in the examining committee, the CBFC unit which actually grants certification. "They are all basically clerks and have absolutely no understanding of cinema," he says. Which is why even respected filmmakers and CBFC members like Shaji N. Karun deliberately missed screenings. Says Karun: "Why should I sit in judgement on other people's creativity?"

FOUL PLAY: Visuals of actors cleaning a knife after dismembering a body were deleted from the yet-to-be-released Paanch

But refusing to play the CBFC game usually means having to pay a heavy price. Paanch, completed in under Rs 2 crore a year ago, saw its budget cross Rs 4 crore due to mounting interest costs and re-shooting. Jagmohan Mundhra spent nine months pushing his film Bawandar from the review committee to the appellate tribunal of the CBFC before it was cleared. The film, based on Bhanwari Devi's gangrape and released this year, was eventually passed without a single cut but the costs rose from Rs 2.5 crore to Rs 3 crore. Says he: "It's high time India had a mature approach towards cinema and allowed people to decide what is good or bad."

"The upper classes can see whatever they want on DVDs, VCDs." Ram Gopal Varma, maker of edgy movies like Satya and Company

"Even as Kama Sutra was stuck, Striptease was being screened." Mira Nair, director of Kama Sutra and Monsoon Wedding

So when the CBFC suggested a dozen cuts in a Silk Smitha dance number in the Ajay Devgan starrer Vijaypath (1995), producer Dhirubhai Shah preferred to drop the song rather than make expensive deletions. Says Shah: "My meter was already ticking with almost 23 per cent interest on borrowings. I had no choice but to give in to the board's demands." Bobby Bedi, producer of Bandit Queen (1994), which almost crashed and burned in the CBFC in 1995, suggests a way out. "The appellate tribunal which reviews cuts should meet more often instead of forcing filmmakers to accede to cuts only because the release date is nearing."

It was this seat-of-the-pants filmmaking that Anand wanted to change. Buoyed by Swaraj's carte blanche to reform the system, he spent 10 months travelling across the CBFC's nine regional centres, calling for suggestions. Anand received 60 radical recommendations that were to be placed before a core committee which was to meet in Bangalore. These ranged from fiscal autonomy for the CBFC, doing away with political appointees and ensuring half the board was aged between 20 and 25. But none of these raised the hackles of the I&B Ministry as did a suggestion from Kerala to have designated theatres to screen adult films.

"We should legitimise pornographic films as in the West." Mahesh Bhatt, who has explored themes like adultery and illegitimate children

"We'll feel more confident if we are judged for what the film is." Farhan Akhtar, director of the refreshingly different Dil Chahta Hai

But Anand's vision was painted with broad brush strokes. "I was thinking of an act that would hold good for 2052, but the Government prefers to stay in 1952," shrugged Anand, soon after handing over charge to veteran actor Arvind Trivedi.

As a result, the dinosaur-like 1952 Act, the bane of Indian filmmakers, remains at large, though Swaraj is making all the right noises about its imminent extinction. She says the Government will examine the suggestions of the P.M. Bakshi Committee (appointed by her predecessor Arun Jaitley in 2000, it formed the starting point of Anand's deliberations). "The archaic provisions in the Act will be removed and the new realities recognised."

Not everyone is betting on it. After all, even when the Cinematograph Act doesn't actually ban kissing or nudity, filmmakers wary of attracting controversy very rarely allow the lip-lock, the lack whereof continues to titillate the western media. So for every kiss between Aamir Khan and Karisma Kapoor in Raja Hindustani (1996), there are countless shots of coy rose bushes meeting in mid-air to the accompaniment of mushy music.

Rogue Language In Bandit Queen (1994), the CBFC demanded a cut in a sexual comment to Phoolan: "I'm sure you can handle both of us together. You must have had a lot of practice."

Little wonder then that directors speak of the unbearable suspense when a film is being screened before the CBFC. Board members quietly file out of a special screening, held at the filmmaker's cost, without even paying attention to the producers or directors who ensure their samosas are crisp and soft drinks chilled.

"And then, bang! Before you know it, you are lined up like truant children before board members who regard you disapprovingly. They aren't people who love cinema. Their attitude is, why did you make this film?" says Anil Nagrath, director-general of the Motion Pictures and TV Programme Producers.

Young Turk and Dil Chahta Hai director Farhan Akhtar alludes to this anti-cinema attitude when he says that "filmmakers will feel a lot more confident if they know a film will be judged for what it is rather than have it weighed against the rule books".

Till then, expect more of those rose bushes. And bring on the waterfalls.