Squeezing Desire

In the variety of experiences and the ability to extract maximum pleasure out of minimum opportunities, the small-town man is ahead of all

The girl lay exhausted on a table in a room at an engineering college hostel in a town in Punjab. A paid sex worker, she had been shared by four students before three more barged in. At the end of it, she asked, "Is there anyone left?"

For thousands of men in small towns across India the first sexual encounter is not very different. But their sexual preferences have become correlative to media images and availability of a consenting partner. Compared with a similar age group in the 1980s, men today are off the block earlier and tend to experiment more. That is even when the opportunities are fewer and the freedom curbed by limitations of sexual conversations and interactions. But in his desires and attitude, the small-town male is no different from a metrosexual.

The kind of porn described by Salman Rushdie in a recently released book, XXX: 30 Porn Star Portraits, may be revisiting America but it never went out of style in small-town India. At a video store in a market in Bhopal, customers can easily select a porn DVD, exchange new imports and get VCDs copied. Porn or blue films still remain No. 1 on the list of sexual preferences of able-bodied men in the countryside as most of them want to get transported to other countries on a fantasy plane. They dream of doing it with blondes, brunettes, red heads, Swedes, Americans, whites, blacks and orientals. There is even a small clientele of faithfuls who like new, slightly slicker desi porn. The vehicle itself is the destination of climax. Watch it, get turned on and then well ... each to his own.

Unlike metros that have specific red-light areas or sex rings with phirang sex workers, small towns have no organised colonies of sex workers. In Madhya Pradesh, Chhattisgarh and Rajasthan there are some tribes whose female members visit suburbs as sex workers. But these places, mainly the hubs of criminals, get low quality sexual service and lower-middle-class clientele. Sex here is often a demoralising experience, both physically and socially.

Who is your fantasy woman?
Aishwarya Rai	6	Madhuri Dixit	3	Kareena Kapoor	3
Rani Mukherji	2	Bipasha Basu	2	Sushmita Sen	1
Mallika Sherawat	1	Preity Zinta	1	Rekha	1
Sridevi	1	Manisha Koirala	1	Karishma Kapur	1
Amisha Patel	1	Jayaprada	1	Britney Spears	1
Urmila Matondkar	1	Hema Malini	1	Acquaintances/others	16
Friend/girlfriend	13	Wife/fiancee	10

So where does one find it? Back within the community, in college, office or at workplace. "I want Red Hot Chilly Peppers," says Ashish, a college student, referring to the pop group and perhaps betraying the objects of his desire. Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera reign supreme. While premarital sex is on top of the charts, Ashish does not expect to find virgins in his age group. Why? "Because girls are having as much fun." The notion of virginity as a nuptial present, enforced in equal measures by the films of Nutan, Tanuja and Hema Malini in the '60s and '70s, is well and truly passé. "Most guys can't tell a virgin from a whore anyway when it comes to basics,'' says Lata, 23. Virginity is a mystery since the days of Kunti and the Indian male is no wiser. Every woman is a virgin till her past is revealed. And even then the smart ones can create a tangible doubt in the mind of the lovelorn.

Unlike previous generations, women in small towns have become expressive about their erogenous zones. Something that embarrasses men in their 30s and 40s. Indian men grow on a staple diet of submissive, ever ready, dutiful, missionary-position wives and look for real fun only with the other women. Unlike in the last decade, the other woman too has metamorphosed into a younger, brash and plentifully available species. More older men are in relationships with younger women and vice-versa. "A lot of baggage of the earlier era has been altered by media images and the behaviour of role models and screen idols," says Anita Shah, a psychoanalyst at a leading hospital in Bhopal.

Older, experienced men tend to behave like metrosexuals but class and economic brackets determine their aspirations. It is easier for the upper and upper-middle class men to copy their urban counterpart's behaviour, but the middle class remains conservative. Any public discussion on sex is still met with a shy, embarrassed smile. Married men find it difficult to discuss their sex lives even with doctors. The only time they play it out fully is when they pay for it. This perhaps explains why some of the most conservatively dressed, stiff men become seductive and confident with paid sex workers. The difference between the sexual play with the wife and the other woman is stark.

Bragging about sexual encounters comes easy to upper-class men. "I have had a homosexual encounter and I quite liked it even though I am not bisexually inclined," says Deep Kumar who runs an automotive showroom in Raipur and is married and has two kids. He has not gone for more sexual experiments but the urge is demonstrative. He would not hesitate to have sex on the table in his office "but such opportunities are rare".

More than the sex itself, it is the idea, the promise that is aphrodisiacal. The girl in tight capris in the colony, the sexy auntie who smiles knowingly or the occasional brush with a colleague is equally exciting. "There are so few opportunities to interact openly and meet new people that it is almost mandatory to find satisfaction within the closed community," avers 29-year-old Kishore Malviya, a government official. Elaborate marriage ceremonies are not to be missed. Each event from mehndi and ladies' sangeet to all-night pheras is an opportunity to flirt in the fast forward mode because time is short and desires unlimited.

For the herd, the annual, nine-day Garba festival is the newest manifestation of the touch-me-squeeze-me sex menu. With Cadillac-sex as the dessert. "It is heavenly to have oral sex inside a sweaty car with the noise of the dandiya-garba in the background and the risk of someone knocking on the window," says Anoop, 34.

Such thrills notwithstanding, sex remains most satisfying in long, sensitive relationships. It is sometimes not even as important as the relationship itself. The intimacy arises from shared interests. But by then middle age has passed. Life-time warranties wear out, often giving way to understanding. "Life does begin at 40. I met my girlfriend when I was 45 and my wife was not surprised by my need to rejuvenate sexually and though it is not a cosy threesome, there is a mature ceasefire," says M.N. Khetrapal, a retired bureaucrat who is passionate about environment just like his girlfriend.

In the variety of experiences and the ability to extract maximum out of minimum, the small-town man remains unsurpassed.

-with Rohit Parihar in Jaipur

How would you improve your sex life? Have more variety in sex 39 Already have a good sex life 30 Have sex with my wife more frequently 16 Have sex with different women 6 What do you think of pornography? It is good once in a while 31 Is great fun 17 Is bad 17 Who have you had extramarital sex with? Casual acquaintances 39 Colleagues 16 Wife's friends/cousins 15 Relatives 8 None of the above 9 How often do you have sex? More than once a week 37 Daily 20 Once a week 20 Once a month 15 Never 2 Do you have multiple orgasms? Sometimes 30 Often 27 Always 20 Never 13 How would you feel if your girlfriend masturbates in front of you? It will disgust me 38 I will love it 19 It will put me off 12 I will look away 10 Is it okay for you if your partner fantasises about other men in bed? Yes 17 No 71

What do you do most after you have had sex? Go to sleep 39 Hug 26 Wash or bathe 20 Watch TV, read a book, have tea/coffee 10 How many sexual partners have you had outside marriage? A few 42 One 33 Many 15 What is your favourite attire for women? Sari 54 Salwar Kameez 20 Trousers and top 8 Skirts 8 Bikini 8 Do you insist on sex even if your partner is not in the mood for it? Sometimes 37 Never 34 Very often 14 yes,her mood doesn't matter 11 Does you wife/girlfriend tell you that you are interested only in sex? Never 30 Sometimes 29 Often 17 Always 16 Should men have sex only with women they are committed to? Yes 67 No 20         Do you boast/lie about your sexual encounters? Yes 47 No 44

What is your fetish? Long nails, long hair and loud makeup 21 Leopard-print lingerie 21 Boots and black lingerie 20 Women's feet 18 Have you ever had extramarital sex? Yes 27 No 67     How old would you want your extramarital partner to be? Younger than you 45 Older than you 4 The same age group 17 Age doesn't matter 13     Are you happy with your sex life? Very happy 56 Reasonable Okay 24 Just about 13 Not at all 4 Do you masturbate? Daily 6 Never 44 More than once a week 13 Occasionally 29 Do you think women who wear revealing clothes are liberated? Yes 42 No 48         Would you tell your partner if you had a one-night stand? Yes 35 No 53

GUEST COLUMN: MAHESH DATTANI

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