The Small Thing of God Award

A cricketer with a tennis elbow? Stranger things have happened in Indian cricket but one man's swollen elbow caused more national clavicle-beating than another's swollen cranium. This award is as much for staying above controversy (we forgive a Ferrari) for the 14 years that he has been the driving force behind Indian cricket. Now, having created a world record and dismissed fears that his tennis elbow would prove his Achilles' heel, Sachin Tendulkar is ready to take fresh guard. His stature has to do with heart rather than height.

The Mother Teresa Award

For the ultimate act of renunciation, for turning down a job that had been in the family for decades. The Congress elevated her to instant sainthood and made sure she called the shots, even if it was with an Italian accent. Power without responsibility is also a family distinction, but Sonia Gandhi seemed to revel in the role, soft-soaping her alliance partners with commendable skill. Her much improved Hindi speeded her emergence on to a more public platform as she actually smiled and cracked jokes. After the tragedy in her life, the jeers about her ancestry and her political smarts, she has certainly had the last laugh.

The Best Supporting Actor Award

To Manmohan Singh, for leaving no one in any doubt as to who the boss really was, even though he was the boss... sort of. After decades of selfless service to the party-and the family-from the political sidelines, the good doctor was thrust into the hot seat. Whether he is now getting cold feet after being battered Left and Right is open to debate, but he has the opportunity to take India to another level, unless his main allies decide to show him the red card.

The Khan-dan Award

The only thing they had in common was their last name. Shah Rukh was Bollywood's king, and he let the world know it. The other, Aamir, was guilty of sin when he produced an alleged love child. The third, Salman, was mostly skin, and a bit of Ash, till, of course, he got nabbed skinning a black buck. As a triumvirate, however, they emerged as Indian cinema's ruling Khandan. One, Bollywood's golden boy, the other a father in denial, and the last, a man-boy, never knowing which persona was going to play the lead.

The Weeping Willow Award

To Kapil Dev, India's cricketing icon, for showing that body language can be superior to the other kind. However, when he let his bat do the talking, and made the ball do the same, he showed why he was truly one of the world's greatest all-rounders. As a match winner, he was incomparable; as match-fixer, he was inconsolable. Even though the charges, by a disgraced fellow opening bowler, that he took money to influence games were ludicrous, so was the sight of the brawny six-footer bawling like a baby on national TV. At least he finally managed to justify the slogan: Kapil da jawab nahin.

The Destiny's Children Award

To Rahul and Priyanka Gandhi for turning the Will-She?-Won't-He? questions into a national obsession. They were both privileged and protected, the former, by the virtue of an army of Congress sycophants and the latter, by the Special Protection Group. Whether by default or design, the sister abdicated in favour of the brother. Rahul is now the anointed heir and the one wearing the slippery crown, but that could be because he is still wet behind the ears.

The Crumpled Kurta Award

To George Fernandes, poster boy of the Indian socialists, whose sartorial preferences, or lack of them, were eventually matched by his political affiliations and choice of his Samata Party treasurers. Before that, however, he was the poster boy of the Opposition during the Emergency, when draped in handcuffs and chains he became the defining image of the country's anti-Emergency crusade. As Opposition member, he was credible, but less so as minister in a right wing government.

The Wag the Dog Award

To Maneka Gandhi, whose life and times have swung between being queen of the jungle, as the late Sanjay Gandhi's wife, and as an endangered species as a politician. Having a famous surname meant that her political career was not sidetracked, ensuring her a ministerial perch. In between, she produced a litter of books for kids. But it is her aggressive role as an animal rights' activist that keeps her in the news, even though mostly it seems a case of crying wolf.

The Warm Chair Award

Quite a few contenders got to warm The Chair till it looked like musical chairs. Chandra Shekhar, H.D. Deve Gowda and I.K. Gujral sneaked in when no one was looking into the office of the prime minister; none were elected by popular vote. Mercifully, they didn't do too much damage-except when Gujral embraced Saddam Hussein and Chandra Shekhar allowed the US military aircraft to refuel for Iraq. Gowda did the least damage: he spent most of his time in Parliament dozing off and proving the point that less governance was good governance.

The Dada Phoolke Award

To Sourav Ganguly, for puffing out his chest at Lord's after being labelled the Prince of Kolkata, and for proving that the raised finger is no bar to his extension as a member of the Indian Test team, even though the finger belonged to the coach, not the umpire. With his highness laid low and out of the one-day squad, whether the Bengal tiger can claw his way back into field and favour will be his most eagerly watched innings.

Milk the Cow Award

To Lalu (a.k.a Laloo) Prasad Yadav, for turning conventional political wisdom on its head and fooling all of the people all of the time, or at least for 15 long years in Bihar. Also, for proving that family values go up if it includes fodder, wife and brothers-in-law. For all that, the roly-poly rustic with the air of a court jester and the hair of a prisoner of war, held the country spellbound with his one-liners, his bluff and bluster. Until December 2005, when the voters derailed him, proving that there is social justice after all.

The Woman Never on Top Award

To Kiran Bedi, India's most celebrated police officer, for proving that efficiency, honesty, dedication, courage and thinking out of the box are actually hurdles in moving up in the Indian Police Service. "Crane Bedi", as she was called after her crusade to crack down on VIP cars breaking the traffic rules, found her career being towed away by male colleagues, who got the plum posts while she was shunted from one obscure job to the other. Bedi was clearly a crane in the neck for her (male) superiors and copped it, careerwise.

The Split Decision Award

To the Ambani triumvirate, for the history they made, the legends they spawned, and the delicious rumours about their clout and methods that an army of gossip-mongers, stockbrokers and business journalists dined out on for decades. When Dhirubhai died, the sons split wide open and the saga now runs on parallel tracks. Despite the division of assets, the gossip-mongers dine out pretty frequently-at five-star places, of course.

The Big Foot in Mouth Award

To Lal Krishna Advani, for inspiring the party he commanded to unprecedented heights, while ending his own stewardship on the worst possible low. His fate was sealed when he dared to call Mohammad Ali Jinnah secular. It was a spectacular culmination of a spectacular career and also qualified him for the Bang and Whimper Award.

Index