46% single 16-25-year-old males have had sex, 10% higher than the 2004 survey 37% single young men have had a homosexual experience, compared to 31% in 2004 63% single young men expect the woman they marry to be a virgin, 10% lower than in 2004 49% young men have had sex with sex workers. In Ludhiana, it as high as 63% 50% young men believe women who wear revealing clothes are sexually liberated 58% young men say good grooming is important to attract the attention of girls

SUMMING IT UP The India Today-AC Nielsen-ORG-MARG Sex Survey 2006 was done to understand the sexuality of the young Indian male. The survey was conducted among men in the age group of 16-25 to delve deeper into the sexuality of the unmarried man. We covered his sexual preferences and attitudes as also socio-cultural factors which help shape that attitude-his interaction with the opposite sex, his friends, his family and his economic behaviour. With a robust sample size of 2,559 males across 11 cities (Delhi, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Lucknow, Ahmedabad, Jaipur, Patna, Ludhiana, Kolkata and Chennai), street-corner sampling was used to find respondents. These respondents were asked to complete a self-administered questionnaire, which was put in a ballot box by him to ensure anonymity.

THE FIGURES SO FAR 2003: SEX AND THE INDIAN WOMAN India's first ever, comprehensive, all-female survey that looked at a woman's basic instincts involved house-to-house interviews and central location tests with 2,305 unmarried, married and separated women between 19 and 50 across 10 cities. Though 66 per cent of the respondents said sex was important to them, 85 per cent said they first had sex after marriage, 87 per cent had never had kinky sex, 75 per cent had never masturbated and 81 per cent had never had extramarital sex. Yet, 58 per cent said they knew at least one woman who had had an extramarital affair. 2004: WHAT MEN WANT The survey of 2,499 married and unmarried men between 18 and 55 was conducted across 11 cities. Eighty-nine per cent said sex was important to them, 54 per cent had not had sex before marriage and 72 per cent expected the women they married to be virgins. Even more alarmingly, 40 per cent thought condoms should not be used because they affected pleasure. However, a majority were sensitive to their partners' fulfilment. 2005: SEX AND THE SINGLE WOMAN To understand the sexuality of the urban Indian unmarried woman, the survey was conducted among 2,035 single women across 11 cities, between the ages 18 and 30. One in four admitted to having had a sexual relationship and one-third were comfortable with having sex with a man they were not in love with. Over a quarter of the women surveyed had had their first sexual experience by the time they turned 18.

The single young man's narrative, it turns out, is a fragment of several dualisms. Take the distinction between the domestic universe and the public peer group. The family controls who your wife is, while peer groups and urban sites determine who your girlfriend is. In terms of introduction to women, the peer group, trends, neighbourhood, and college score over family. Family is a poor fifth as a trigger for introductions though it is as high as 33 per cent for Chennai, 26 per cent for Hyderabad and 27 per cent for Bangalore. The Internet is nibbling its way in as a gigantic meeting place, responsible as it is for 15 per cent of introductions in Hyderabad and 16 per cent in Ahmedabad. Yet, when it comes to female friends dropping in for a visit, the nays still dominate, Mumbai being the only city bucking the trend.

SEX SURVEY: 16-25-YEAR-OLD SINGLE MEN

Have you ever had sex? YES - 46% NO - 51% Rest: Don't know/Can't say In 2005, in contrast, only 24 per cent single women between the ages of 18 and 30 in the India Today-AC Nielsen-ORG-MARG survey had had sex. At what age did you first have sex? LESS THAN 15 YEARS - 11% 16-18 YEARS - 41% 18-21 YEARS - 36% 22-25 YEARS - 12% The average age of first sexual encounter for men has come down from 23 in 2004 to 18. In the 2005 survey of single women, 42 per cent said they had their first sexual encounter between the ages of 19 and 21. Do you expect the woman you marry to be a virgin? YES - 63% NO - 24% Rest: Does not matter/Don't know/Can't say In the 2005 survey of single women, 66 per cent agreed, saying women should remain virgins till they are married. 65% in Delhi have sex once a week or more often How important is sex in your life? VERY IMPORTANT - 47% IMPORTANT - 33% INDIFFERENT - 12% NOT IMPORTANT - 4% Rest Don't know/Can't say In India Today's 2004 survey of 18-55-year-old men, 51 per cent thought sex was very important, while 77 per cent had had sex-understandable given the wider age span. Thirty-four per cent of the single women surveyed in 2005 said sex was important to them and 26 per cent thought it was very important. Twenty-eight per cent were indifferent to it. What do you think about pre-marital sex? DEPENDS ON COMMITMENT - 42% PERFECTLY FINE - 26% WRONG - 26% Rest: Don't know/Can't say In the 2005 survey of single young women, 46 per cent were against pre-marital sex, but 33 per cent were open about having sex with a person they were not in love with. Small towns Ludhiana and Lucknow are the most liberal, with as many as 60 per cent and 54 per cent, respectively, saying their thoughts on pre-marital sex depended on the level of commitment. Do you personally own any credit card? YES - 19% NO - 81% Are you or anyone in your family a member of any club? YES - 19% NO - 81% Do you visit a health club, fitness centre or gym on a regular basis? YES - 44% NO - 56% How often, if at all, do you eat out at restaurants? ONCE A MONTH - 21% ONCE A WEEK - 20% MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK - 15% DO NOT EAT OUT AT ALL - 5% Do you personally use a mobile? YES - 71% NO - 29% 92% single young men in Mumbai use a mobile phone Do you believe in equal pleasure for men and women in bed? YES - 67% NO - 20% Rest: Don't know/Can't say In 2005, 63 per cent of the single women surveyed believed in equal pleasure for men and women in bed. In Chennai, 33% men were introduced to girls by their families How did you come in contact with the girls in your friends' circle? IN COLLEGE - 56% IN SCHOOL - 38% THROUGH COMMON FRIENDS - 36% LIVED IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD - 31% All figures in per cent. Figures add up to more than 100 because of multiple choices. How often do you call your female friends or get phone calls from them? VERY OFTEN - 35% OCCASIONALLY - 31% SELDOM - 19% NEVER - 13% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Do your parents object to your mixing with female friends? YES - 36% NO - 56% Rest: Don't know/Can't say How do you keep in touch with your friends? PHONE CALLS - 83% SMS - 53% E-MAILS - 26% FORWARDS - 21% Figures add up to more than 100 because of multiple choices. In Patna, 61 per cent think women who wear revealing clothes are sexually liberated. Delhi and Mumbai follow, with 58 per cent saying so. 25% discuss relationships and affairs with their mothers Do your parents object to your staying out late at night? YES - 66% NO - 30% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Who are the sexiest man and woman in the film industry? AISHWARYA RAI - 17% JOHN ABRAHAM - 13% In Patna, 27 per cent think Abraham is the sexiest man, while 37 per cent in Hyderabad think Rai is the sexiest woman. THE OTHER HOTTIES: MEN AAMIR KHAN 10% HRITHIK ROSHAN 8% SALMAN KHAN 8% ABHISHEK BACHCHAN 7% AKSHAY KUMAR 6% SHAH RUKH KHAN 5% AJAY DEVGAN 4% AMITABH BACHCHAN 4% AFTAB SHIVDASANI 3% WOMEN BIPASHA BASU 13% MALLIKA SHERAWAT 10% KAREENA KAPOOR 5% PRIYANKA CHOPRA 5% KAJOL 4% AMISHA PATEL 3% ESHA DEOL 3% LARA DUTTA 3% MADHURI DIXIT 3% 46% in Ahmedabad are put off by repeated sex with the same woman

If peer groups are for fun, parents are for serious issues. It is as if there is geography to conversational topics. Money worries and career woes figure in domestic conversations, while peer groups focus on the frivolous. The single young man in public may be a glib achiever, but with his parents, he can be himself-unsure about his career or troubled about money. But how does the domestic space deal with the inevitable intrusions? There is an opening here that must be emphasised. Parents seem to be fairly liberal about relationships but 66 per cent object to late nights. Ahmedabad reflects a certain parental laxity at 49 per cent. Except in Chennai, Ahmedabad and Jaipur, men feel women in their home have almost equal rights. Either as a fact or perception, such an idea remains interesting.

E
quality, at least in the commercial sense, is extended to men feeling quite comfortable with women paying or sharing costs. The ambit of consumption also seems clear. The average budget when going out with friends ranges from Rs 100-150. There is no radical shift between the North and the South. Regardless of status, men are ready to spend. The relationship between boys and girls may not revolutionise sex, but it is going to stimulate retail therapy.

So what do boys do to attract girls? The rituals of attraction hover around grooming. One needs a self constructed out of prominent brands to stand out. Even body-building is more an act of cultural affirmation, emerging out of the collective wisdom of gyms and VLCC. While conspicuous consumption and good grooming ease the mating game, one needs to smoke, drink and throw parties to attract the attention of girls. Behaving roughly qualifies as an "attractor", but percentages are down except in Chennai.

Men generally hang around other men, with Patna and Ludhiana more prone to stag crowds and Bangalore and Mumbai preferring mixed groups. Ahmedabad again is the odd one out, with crowds being disproportionately female. When men are together they haunt spaces like restaurants and malls. When the sexes are mixed, the park becomes a prominent refuge, second only to the restaurant. The friend's place is another alternative to take your girlfriend to. Home is still one solution, with Mumbai and Lucknow seeing it as a major option.

Enabled by technology, young men are still circumscribed by society. Fear of being seen with a girlfriend is not a problem for Bangaloreans. What they object to is being stared at. Fear of manhandling by the moral police is highest in Delhi (32 per cent) and Hyderabad (26 per cent).

Now comes the inevitable question. Who do men consider the sexiest woman? The selection is predictable, but it makes you wonder whether sexiness is partly a construct of the media. But let's face it. North, South, East, West, Aishwarya Rai is the sexiest. The only threats come from Delhi and Ludhiana, where Bipasha Basu has a considerable following. Mallika Sherawat, a favourite in Lucknow and Patna, is a happy third. Almost disloyally, the category "my girl friend" polls an average of five, endearing but marginal. When it comes to the sexiest man, it is John Abraham doing well except in Hyderabad. The hunks dominate the list, with Hrithik Roshan, Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar in the top 10. New-age men like Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan and Shah Rukh Khan still hold their place, and Amitabh Bachchan leads the rear guard at ninth position.

From sexiness to sex. The latter is considered important across the cities. The all-India average rests at 47 per cent for "very important" and 33 per cent for "important". It is a normality that is assuring. Hyderabad responds with a thumping 66 per cent saying sex is very important, while in Lucknow, a good 23 per cent profess to be indifferent.

In attitudes and values, we stumble across the great hypocrisy reef of India. The modern Indian man-as many as 80 per cent in Hyderabad and Chennai-expects the woman he marries to be a virgin. The duality persists. When asked about pre-marital sex, men seem willing as long as there is a sense of commitment. Yet when asked if they would marry a woman who admits to having pre-marital sex, they produce a resounding no. Mumbai crosses the dissonance barrier, with 21 per cent saying yes. Most men add rather cleverly that women often confuse sex with commitment. The only deviant response is Hyderabad, where 49 per cent don't think so.

The survey probes further, trying to understand where the sex appeal of a woman lies. The answers go beyond the predictable notion of beauty and identify other factors like intelligence and sexual skills. Chennai and Hyderabad produce a smacker with 12 per cent identifying sex appeal with submissiveness. Small deviations can be seen in Ahmedabad and Ludhiana, where 32 per cent and 40 per cent, respectively, are ready to date or marry a much older woman. Pornography is considered good occasionally. Yet, most men would not tell their girlfriends that they had a one-night stand. Delhi is the only city that breaks the hypocrite's code.

There is a general equation between revealing clothes and sexual liberation. Only Lucknow and Ahmedabad challenge this. Then there is a general vote for equal pleasure for men and women and a large aye for condom use. The average age of the first sexual encounter is dropping, most men being initiated between 16 and 20, but with whom is a big question, with the 2005 India Today survey of single young women showing that only 24 per cent had had sex. Men are possessive about the women they have had sex with. Most men confess to some homosexual experience-37 per cent have had at least one such experience-but rarely talk about it.

Most are happy with their sexual experiences but feel upset about sex when it gets repetitive with the same woman or if the woman shows emotional expectations. A large percentage feel they can impose their need for sex regardless of their girlfriend's mood. Men are content with penis size and insist that a majority of their women have orgasms. A large fraction seems to have engaged in group sex and 11 per cent seem bisexual, with Hyderabad revealing a high of 24 per cent. Men prefer long foreplay with different towns itemising different priorities. A happy unity in diversity, not really kinky, but may be a bit too content about performance.

At least 49 per cent confess to at least one encounter with sex workers. As far as experimentation goes, sex in front of a mirror or in cars seems common. Disconcertingly, 14 per cent claim to have had sex with family members.

So this is the single young urban Indian male, homogeneous across cities big and small, content about his performance, openly hypocritical and often contradictory. Cities, rather than adding to sexual diversity, add homogeneity. The survey sees sex as consumption and even though 81 per cent do not have credit cards, 56 per cent go to gyms and 71 per cent have mobile phones. The sym does not really surprise you, but with technology, urbanism and consumption providing the real triggers of sexuality, a slow standardisation is afoot. The young man is still not a man in full, unable to resolve his sexual identity with the multiple roles ahead: that of good son, great buddy and a responsible adult. Placidly confused today, he looks headed for moral dilemmas tomorrow.

The writer is a cultural anthropologist.

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