SEX SURVEY: 16-25-YEAR-OLD SINGLE MEN

Do your female friends come home to visit? YES - 43% NO - 54% Rest: Don't know/Can't say While 56 per cent-and as many as 69 per cent in Kolkata-say their parents do not object to their mixing with female friends, 66 per cent say their parents disapprove of staying out late at night. Have you ever made a lewd comment about a woman/girl? YES - 43% NO - 52% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Do you think women in your home have the same freedom as you? YES - 45% NO - 46% Rest: Don't know/Can't say 30% say they would tell their partners about one-night stands How often do you share dirty jokes with female friends? NEVER - 33% OCCASIONALLY - 25% VERY OFTEN - 20% SELDOM - 19% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Will you marry a woman who admits to having had pre-marital sex with one or few partners? YES - 17% NO - 74% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Consistent with the 2004 India Today male survey, 77 per cent of the young men said no. But over 80 per cent in Kolkata, Lucknow and Ludhiana say they would not marry women who have had pre-marital sex. In the 2005 India Today survey of single women, a similar percentage (71) said they would not marry a man who admits to having had an intimate relationship with another woman. What are the privacy issues you have faced when out with your girlfriend? PEOPLE STARING - 37% FEAR OF BEING SEEN - 25% PEOPLE EAVESDROPPING - 22% MORAL POLICE - 15% TEASING BY ROWDIES - 12% Figures add up to more than 100 due to multiple choices. 70% men in Ludhiana have had sex, but 67% can't bring home female friends Would you marry or date a woman much older to you in age? YES - 27% NO - 63% Rest: Don't know/Can't say Surprisingly, a large percentage of men in towns like Jaipur and Ludhiana are open to dating older women. Do you think women who wear revealing clothes are sexually liberated? YES - 50% NO - 39% Rest: Don't know/Can't say How possessive are you about your sexual partner? EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE - 38% POSSESSIVE - 40% NOT POSSESSIVE - 11% Rest: Don't know/Can't say 61% in Patna think revealing clothes are a sign of liberation Do you think girls/women take sex too seriously and confuse it with commitment? YES - 53% NO - 27% . Rest: Don't know/Can't say 42% in Delhi do not expect the girls they marry to be virgins Are you happy with your sex life? VERY HAPPY - 39% REASONABLY HAPPY - 23% JUST ABOUT SATISFIED - 25% NOT AT ALL - 7% Rest: Don't know/Can't say In the 2004 survey of 18-55-year-old males, 56 per cent said they were very happy with their sex lives. Sexual satisfaction is not the only thing that has come down in this year's survey. The number of men who have sex every day has dropped from 20 per cent to 10. In the 2005 survey, women fared better: 47 per cent were very happy with their sex lives, 28 per cent were reasonably happy and 19 per cent were just about satisfied.

Today, Indians under 25 are expected to rip through economic and social barriers on a cultural bull run and shape India's future-immediately, dramatically and on a global scale. The matadors of modernity are a band of well-groomed young men who can party while striking tech-savvy deals. Young women are included, but only those who buy washing machines and microwaves on Diwali and raise their children on sunflower oil, emerging as a new breed of family-friendly consumers. The new youth of India lay claim to a novel imaginary vision-the great Indian shoppers' stop where even babies are consumers, expressing deep contentment with branded nappies and sleeping like munna rajas when silent air-conditioners are switched on. The youth of such a glorious desh are an enchanted lot, flashing their credit cards, hanging out in malls and markets and wooing their sweethearts with expensive gifts.

As always, reality is a bit grimmer. Eighty-one per cent young men in metros and small towns don't personally own credit cards. If any cards are flaunted, they're probably add-ons with parents keeping a watch on credit limits. Boys chill out in malls but rarely spend more than a couple of hundred rupees when they're hanging out with friends, though they'll spend double that amount when they go out with their girlfriends.

Far from being big-spending decision makers, young men are still in the thrall of parental diktat. Parents disapprove of late nights, impose prohibitions on who can and cannot come home for a visit, provide mobile phones, but discourage calls from girls. Almost 70 per cent of young men under the age of 22 rarely, if ever, receive calls from or make calls to female friends. Sixteen to 18-year-olds in smaller cities like Patna and Ludhiana are most constrained, though a high percentage of parents in the globalising metros of Bangalore and Hyderabad object to their sons mixing with girls. You'd think that lounge bars and fast food outlets of urban landscapes are symbols of transformed gender relations. However, even in bigger metros, mixed-gender groups are only half as likely as single gendered ones.

Most young men meet girls in college, though the boys in Chennai are as likely to have met girls who live in the same neighbourhood or girls who've been introduced by family members. Chennai neighbourhoods may be more homogeneous in terms of caste affiliations and the girl-next-door is considered an appropriate friend. It's clear that families in India don't liberate children easily. A 25-year-old may be an earning professional but he preserves parental values. He'd want to marry a woman who is a virgin, and while he may exchange a dirty joke or two with female friends, sex is hardly discussed.

Cherishing common values does not translate into mutual candour between parents and sons. Small-town mums are fairly sensitive about the personal problems of their betas, but overall, mothers seem more concerned about money and career issues. Fathers focus on careers and money matters as well, with the exception of those in Chennai and Lucknow who do seem to think about their sons' personal problems. Even for such fathers, "personal problems" don't include affairs gone awry.

A muddled young man turns to his all-male group of friends with whom he stays in constant touch, phoning and messaging to discuss dilemmas, fashion and movies. The group is clearly fostered on a spirit of egalitarian give-and-take. Pornography is exchanged within the group like cigarettes and coffee, bringing boys together in a shared circle of friendship. Almost 50 per cent discuss sex and relationships with their male friends.

The big question for young men is: where are the girls? In the 1980s and the early 1990s, before Indians systematically plugged into global lifestyles and everything from consumer spending to sexual attitudes allegedly changed, a girlfriend was an incredible but improbable miracle. Now, friends smoothen the progress of love, acting as helpful intermediaries.

The general lack of girls in a lad's life probably stems from gender segregation that is evident in smaller towns, but also present in some form in emerging metros. Segregation creates its own power regimes. Boys below 18 demonstrate their manhood by passing lewd comments on girls. Men in Hyderabad and Bangalore are as likely to harass a woman as those in Ludhiana and Delhi. The conversion of public space into danger zones isn't just a problem for women. For young men, being with a girl in public spaces becomes a trial, an ordeal created for men by men. This hostility towards love that makes gender-mixing a hassle is the fountainhead of the clash between the young Indian male's familial proclivities and his camouflaged love life.

The writer is a sociologist.

Where Cash Meets Conservatism THE CITY OF LUDHIANA IS ALL ABOUT DUALISM   PICTURE SPEAK FANTASY LAND Youngsters at a Ludhiana disco Since Partition, when hungry-for-success refugees redefined its working culture, Ludhiana has been an all-time incubator of rags-to-riches stories and a trendsetter in ceaseless consumerism. Fancy cars and fairy tale marriages are its defining leitmotif. But, behind the flashy veneer lies its alternative reality-that of a consummate fantasy land, as is evident in the India Today-AC Nielsen-ORG-MARG annual survey of sexuality. Its flirtation with money-powered modernity notwithstanding, its young singletons are firmly wedded to traditional values-a subterranean streak confirmed by 81 per cent young men saying they won't marry a woman who is not a virgin. Despite its brush with metropolitan status, Ludhiana is still a 'little big place' with a closely-knit society. "The city doesn't afford any anonymity for its young crowd to experiment with liberal ideas like dating," says Neha Kapoor, a 20-year-old college student. A rich fantasy life-48 per cent have had sex in front of a mirror and 32 per cent have had sex in a car-stems from the scarcity of public space and opportunities for the young generation to hang out. It also explains the dominance of pornography: 78 per cent, the highest across cities, share pornographic films with friends. The city has no discotheque, just four pubs and only one air-conditioned movie theatre. The absence of a co-educational college and a small population of working women are other barriers to inter-sex interaction. Little wonder then that Ludhiana has the highest percentage of all-male buddies (70 per cent). A majority of marriages are still arranged-especially as the youth in business families are financially dependent on their parents. Boys and girls now interact more freely, but the degree of intimacy is still bound by patriarchal values. Two-thirds of the respondents report that their parents object to late nights and an equal number say that women don't come home to visit them. Ludhiana has, in the past decade-and-a-half, seen a new crop of successful entrepreneurs. The overnight affluence and the resulting occasional deviations from well-entrenched taboos are triggering brash and criminal behaviour. In June this year, a Britain-educated son of a leading business family was killed allegedly for his relationship with a girl from abroad and his gunshot-riddled body was recovered from Himachal Pradesh. While Ludhiana's social ethos dictates suppressed sexuality, its fast-growing glitterati is manifesting its fantasies in exhibitionist consumerism. Over 80 per cent, again the highest across cities, say they are well-groomed to attract women. From importing orchids to hiring Bollywood stars, Ludhiana's weddings are the ultimate indulgence. Of the 600-odd djs in the city, at least a dozen command more than Rs 1 lakh per performance.The cash for consumable culture extends to even sex: 63 per cent, the highest across the nation, have been with a sex worker. --By Ramesh Vinayak

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